Life

Today is a day to be marked in my calender. For everyone, there is a so call unlucky day and today is my turn.
I am left "phoneless" by the staff at Nokia, forgot to take my water bottle after class and received a offline msg by Alxin that contained the F word. I hate it when people use vulgarities on others. I do not mind if poeple just let out a "fuck" or "chibye" to express their unhappiness but I hate people who use these words on other people. So imagine when I open my email and found another similar like email by alxin. We make up later during lecture.
Then at the bus stop,I found the girl that I really like there and I decided to "trash" things out with her at the bus stop which she aligned. I got turned down flat. Funny thing is I don't or rather I do not have any wish for her to be my GF yet. I just want to know her better and for her to know me better. Apparently, she was feeling uncomfortable knowing I like her. She ask me how can I like her when I barely know her and we keep talking in circles.
I don't know why,all this while, the girls that I like are all based on first impression. Up until now, I have quite a few crushes. Actually not a lot, about 5. However, those that I like them enough to let them know or I am sure that I like them is 2-ying2 and mic.
I hate to be pesky, that is so not my life philosophy. I don't know if she will read this,I don't know whether she would or not and honestly, I do not know if I wish for her to see or not.
I like her because her face becomes red very easily. That was the impression she left on me when we first met in class. Second time, when I saw her, I knew in my heart that I really like her. It is hard to describe beat I can describe is that there is just this messenge going into my brain and confirming to me that,"yup,it is positive that you like her." Third time I saw her, she was wearing a minnie mouse t-shirt and I kinda like it. And I noticed she got nice hands.I can go on and on but my point is,everytime I saw her,I found something about her that I like. I like it the way she speaks, how she laugh until the rice inside her mouth got spitted into my bowl, the way she speak chinese, her short hair and when she told me her weekend are for her family, her being in the band.She is also very hardworking and she keeps a dog, the way she walks...If possible, I still want to know more about her.
Having said that, I respect her every decision. I don't like to force people and I can't. I admit I was being pesky recently to her,sorry about that. When she send me that fateful sms, I actually knew what is going on,but me being me...how to you call that?Never give up until all is lost?
I ask her if we could still be friends, she said yes. I should be glad but her meaning of friends mean hi-bye friends. That is not "friends" to me.
I having mixed feeling right now...
I am happy for falling for such a wonderful girl.
I am sad because everything had ended.
I had this regret that we may not ever be friends that can go out for a meal and talk anymore.
I have no resentment about letting her go.
I am at peace because I learnt something about and it makes me more mature.
I come to understand that her being happy doesn't make me so but it doesn't matter.
Lastly, I want to thank all my frineds who had been rooting for me all this while,Alvin,Tony,zhilian,yongjin,chee xin and so on.
I still remember what happens 5 yrs ago when I give up on my first love due to my immaturity. I am still not mature enough but I am learning. Today,30th oct 2007 is a day which I will look back and smile in the future. A 2rd grade man drown his sorrow in beer,while a thrid grade man drown his sorrow in bed with a woman which he doesn't feel for. For me,I will just continue to walk on the journey of life.It is said that I am not suitable for love...could it be so?